


Hole In The Bridge

by xbluemist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - Thorne & Rowling
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Heartbreak, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Post-Hogwarts, Scarred Love, Scorbus, it's not so much about the plot it's more about the feelings, kind of, they're just incredibly emotional blokes, this is so ridiculously overdramatic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-25
Updated: 2019-01-25
Packaged: 2019-10-16 06:29:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17544497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xbluemist/pseuds/xbluemist
Summary: Life is not a game. We can't just click undo or re-play the game whenever we don't like how things turned out. No matter how much we want to. Al learns that in an incredibly inconvenient way and has to face the fact that his and Scorpius' life will never be the same.





	Hole In The Bridge

**Author's Note:**

> Huge thanks to my lovely beta, Ruarcher!

Al had no idea how Scorpius found out. He wasn't even sure whether he would prefer _this_ , or for Scorpius to never know so they could live the rest of their lives in blissful obliviousness, leaving Al to keep the truth to himself and forever feel like everything he did to Scorpius was a dirty lie.

He was only sure that his heart just died.

"But… we can still live like we have been, right?” Al inquired in a small voice. “It was just sex–"

"Do you really feel that way? It's _just sex_ for you?"

Fuck. _Obviously_. This was a dead zone for hope. How could he have been naive enough to think that, to _say_ that?

He knew Scorpius. He also knew himself.

He just didn't want to believe that the situation they had found themselves in was real. It _felt_ unreal.

So he kept fighting, searching, stupidly, for a brighter possibility. As if he didn’t know better.

"Scorp, I just mean– I didn’t mean to– there were no feelings–"

"Oh, screw this!" Scorpius exploded, those angelic eyes shiny with tears. "There _is_ such thing as open relationship. If one wants to be physical with someone other than their beloved. And they are both completely okay with such arrangement. Then, yeah, it is just sex. But you _know_ I'm not like that. I can't– This– what you've done, Al, do you know what it was? Go ahead, tell me what you did to me."

Scorpius' voice was so thick and unsteady it kept breaking under the heavy emotions.

Al closed his eyes, certain he was about to suffocate. What the _fuck_ had he _done_? What kind of bloody _idiot_ was he?

"Cheating," he whispered, tears burning his eyes, his heart heavy like a stone in his tight chest. “I know. I…”

Scorpius sniffled, his breathing ragged. "Why?" he choked out.

Everything in Al seized. He swallowed around a lump in his throat. 

"I'm so– Fuck, no matter what I say, I won’t change the past, but– Merlin, I’m so, so terribly sorry, Scorp, I– " This was absurd. Nothing could ever justify him hurting Scorpius like that. But Scorpius deserved to at least know the– childish– moronic– fucking _lack_ of reason behind Al's actions. "I was in a foul mood," meaningless excuses, "and– I went out after work, got drunk and–” Merlin, he was useless. The dirtiest piece of trash on Earth. “I was scared I’d vent it out on you accidentally, but I didn't mean to do this, I would never do such thing if I was fully conscious– fucking _hell_." 

A sob rose in Al's chest. He slumped against the sofa.

He was sure he had never felt such all-encompassing despair.

Things like this happened – all the time – in various circumstances. But Al had a wonderful life with Scorpius, nothing was lacking. It was perfect. He wasn't himself when he'd cheated on his husband. That was not his normal state. Things happened, but _this_? What the hell had gotten into him?

And what if something like this happened again?

But how _could_ it even happen in the first place?

There was silence from Scorpius. When Al opened his eyes, Scorpius' own were trained on his lap, his right hand gripping his elbow in that painfully familiar way he did whenever he felt anxious or lost or unsure.

"Scorp?" Al's voice was like an old bridge about to fall apart. "Is there any chance– can we still work it out?" Tendrils of hope in his throat got stuck on the blood-freezing sorrow. It seemed impossible – _unimaginable_ – to lose Scorpius. There was no way in the universe he could bear that.

He had fucking dug his own grave.

Scorpius bit his lip and rubbed his face. It shone with tears.

"No matter how hard we try, there will always be a scar. We both know it'll never be the same. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't be all you needed. I'm sorry I couldn't provide you with relief like you always do for me. And I'm sorry that physical intimacy means so much to me. I wish..." His hands were clasped together. "I still love you, Al. I love you deeply. I can't imagine ever not loving you. And I never doubt you when you say you love me. But you hurt me. You mean the world to me and that only makes what you did hurt so much more. I– I don't know how the near future will look like for us. It would kill me to let you go if _you_ don't want to; I– I need you." He took a shuddering breath. "But I can't promise you I'll get over it completely. I'm sorry. I just can't..."

 _Of course._ Al was more than aware that things between them would never be the same. The knowledge felt like it was stuck to every inch of his body, stinky and ugly. He didn't want to believe the reality he had created for himself and Scorpius with that one bloody mistake. But it was there and he could do nothing to erase it. He’d fucked up. He’d hurt the love of his life. He’d scratched that perfection. He hadn’t meant to – fuck, he had never meant to – but that didn’t change much.

He wanted to beat himself up.

Scorpius deserved so much better...

"Thank you– Merlin– thank you, Scorp," Al almost sobbed; words seemed so impossibly small against the hefty giant that was his remorse. He wanted to touch Scorpius, gather him in his arms, kiss every inch of his body, make love to him with all the reverence he deserved, show him how much he treasured him... but something was blocking him.

What if Scorpius didn't want to–

His stuttering breath caught in his throat as Scorpius' shaky hand took his. He clasped it, desperately. Scorpius trembled.

And in the next moment, he clung to Al, shuddering in his desperate arms.

_Fucking hell._

If Al ever wondered how heartbreak would look or feel, right now he was holding a living embodiment.

He whispered words, words that held meaning that seemed oddly non-existent. He whispered dozens and dozens of ‘love’, but it felt like a feather against storm.

How– just _how_ could he be such a brainless– heartless monster to hurt his beloved so much? It was absurd. Everything felt like an alternative reality, a nightmare. But he could not wake up and get back to what they had before.

He ruined it.

He hurt Scorpius.

He hurt himself.

_I need you._

I need you too.

_I lost you._

I lost him.

_Why have you done this to me?_

What kind of cretin I am?

_I wish I could have you back._

I would give anything to turn back time. Anything but you.

_I will never be able to look at you the same way._

Your eyes will forever remain dimmed with unshed rain and storm.

_Your touch will never feel like it used to._

The sparkle is not lost. It's just stifled by silent sobs.

_My 'I love you' will never be painless._

My 'I love you' will forever hide regret.

**Author's Note:**

> Ah, this is ridiculously emotional. And angsty. I'm sorry. I hope you enjoyed it anyway...? Uhm, please, leave a kudos or a comment, let me know what you think! Even negative opinions are ok; but in that case, please, explain why you didn't like a particular thing. It might help me get better at writing!


End file.
